the crseum

Ok folks. Don't be annoyed. Well you can be annoyed but please just hear me out. We are moving again. (cringes) I KNOW I KNOW. But friends, we wouldn't have been happy here. It wasn't just the fact that I kept losing drafts because there was no auto save function or that I didn't know how to get back to my dashboard so I kept having to regoogle and log back in. I mean do I really have to bring up the camels again? So....I took Luckybuzz's advice and am moving to wordpress. I promise. This time I played with it for a good hour before i committed. If you haven't been completely disgusted feel free to join me here as soon as you are ready. Im sorry. I suck. But I think we will be happier if we go now instead of waiting...you'll see....trust me....

Norm has been singing this all night long. Id like to think that Im not correcting his interpretation of these lyrics because I don't want to stifle his creativity. In reality, I just like his version better. I like to think of my little guy telling off his would be boyfriends in such a firm fiesty way. It cheers me up. Not much is new since yesterday except Im finding out more about my new blog that is not so good. For one thing, I can't add general page elements unless I pay 89 bucks a year. I find this kind of offensive. But I feel guilty for making all my loyal friends change their blogrolls and bookmarks so Im committed for now. Plus, I think we all need to admit deep in our hearts that Ive always been the kind of blog that invites camel imagery. N'est pas?

Right now we are watching Dora on demand. Gill is not here. The turnip just wiped half a container of pink salve all over his skin. I think this will be problematic at some point in the very near future, but hopefully gill will be home in the very near future so it will work out. I think the turnip sees Dora as some sort of animated small perry mason (with boots being her della street). As she is working her way through the adventure, he gets this expression on his face like..."Ask the map you say? Well played. madam. Well played indeed." At the end of every episode he offers up a look of triumph and some garbled exclamation that I think might be "Isn't she frickin brilliant?" It does not matter if he's seen the episode five times that day, he is consistently excited about the outcome. I would compare it to his joy on a holiday morning but Im too apprehesive and superstitious to make such a statement since he's been telling us that he wants to cook and eat the easter bunny.

Ok, I guess I can offer a PSA about my newest addiction. Lime chips. (a little shout out to lucy here as her lime chips last month started this whole obsession). I prefer the local store brand to the tostitos brand because they are limier. Now friends, i think we all know I don't have the highest nutritional standards but even in the midst of the honey mustard pringle madness, I had never eaten an entire bag of chips in one sitting. I hang my head in shame because i can no longer claim that to be true. I am nothing less than a junkie friends. I have ulcers on my tongue from the salt (or perhaps they are citric acid burns, i don't know and am too strung out to care) and yet I can't stop.  Even worse, yesterday I discovered that the addictive ingredient was MSG, (an old familiar monkey Ive shaken off my back many a time in the past) and still I eat on. It's probably too late for me but friends. Do not even pick up the lime chips if you can help yourselves. it's not worth the pain.

Is anyone following the eliot spitzer case? Now I have to say, if anyone was ever in a position to take the moral high ground by claiming interest was purely political it's me.  I actually ti-voed the sub-prime mortgage hearings last friday (don't anyone give it away if you've already seen them). So I have some street cred when it comes to following political happenings for the sake of knowledge gathering. im not all about the scandal. Except friends? In this case, I TOTALLY AM!!! I REALLY want to know what "things that you know...you might not think are safe" that he may have asked prostitutes to do. In fact, I read the entire affidavit at 5am today to see if these unsafe things were mentioned. Why? Oh please friends. You all know im a twelve year old boy trapped in the body of a 37 year old woman. Why waste my time on internet porn or skinemax on demand when i can relentlessly scan legal documents for the slightest glimpse of a description of something dangerously kinky? huhuhuh huhuhuhuh..huhuhuhuh huhuhuhuh...affidavits are hot.... I need a damn life. But hey...at least Im blogging more...and with camels too!

One being that there is no auto save draft function, which is extremely unfortunate as I just lost an entire post about the Turnip's recovery from surgery and how it served as a small insignificant example of what torture at Abu Ghraib might be like. Mind you I am not minimizing what happens in these camps, but when I could not fall asleep for fear of being slapped awake by an enraged semi-conscious two year old and was afraid to eat my food lest it be yanked from my hands and thrust to the floor with my attempts to pick it up met with more slapping, I got a brief minute taste of what psychological torture has the potential to be.

I did go on to share that Turnip has expanded his viewing repetoire to include Dora The Explorer and Barney. I know Barney has been battered to the point of tired cliche in the adult world. People who've never seen the show will rant about his loathesomeness (is that a word? Tonight it is). Anyway, friends, Im here to tell you. The show surpasses any vision of unsettling that you can conjure up from that annoying purple blob. I could dedicate an entire post to this but again, it's been overdone. But friends, there are two significantly disturbing elements to the show that I need to purge from my mind.

1) Baby Bop. When I encountered Baby Bop in the past, she brought to mind an overgrown child star still trying to hang on to her cuteness way past the point where she became creepy. Think Bette Davis in "whatever happened to Baby Jane". I was comfortable with this until she sang a song the other day talking about being three years old. Friends, I know three year olds. I've had a three year old. Baby Bop is no three year old. Unless she is three in dinosaur years. If every dinosaur year translates to 15 human years plus one psychotic personality schism, then Baby Bop is definitely around three dinosaur years.

2) The cast of children. Particularly the new batch. Now friends, I am all about diversity in all areas. However, the show's producers apparently have a policy not to have any caucasian children unless they have some defect. This assessment sounds so cruel and I don't mean it to be but I was shocked into the reality of this the other night while I drifted in and out of consciousness next to the Turnip who was comfortably in the middle of a codeine haze. A little girl was helping her uncle in the park where barney and the kids play. I heard him refer to her as colleen and I opened one eye to see what colleen looked like. I remember feeling slightly surprised that she was a cute little irish looking girl. Way too white american for the barney crew. As Im drifting off with no real formed thought, I listen as the children meet colleen. Of course they want to play with her. And then I hear "Colleen, how come you only have one hand?" JESUS EFFING CHRIST! I sit straight up and sure enough, there she is with her little stump cheerfully explaining that she was born that way and she doesn't mind. Friends, I have no problem speaking to the one-handed irish girl demographic. I really don't. But the message that there are no little healthy and intact white children playing with Barney is more than slightly disturbing. (I mention healthy because there is a little blond boy with some tubes or a tank or something. Im guessing it's respiratory?) I mean grown ups don't like him but the whole thing has kind of an Aryans don't play with Barney feel that scares the hell out of me.

Ok I have much more to tell you as the dodgeball season comes to it's conclusion next week. Have I mentioned I have an Au Pair? See how much you've missed? Stay tuned friends.

Woowee.....Here I am at the new blog. I think i have a lot of options here! The main advantage is of course that I don't have to log out of gmail every time i want to post. So...make yourselves at home. Be patient while I update and of course...change your bookmark!